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Drunken Master

SCORE:  6Beers

Watching Nicole Kidman makes a piece in my pants. Something about her just makes me want to run out in the streets stare at the moon and laugh maniacally and scream, “TOM CRUISE YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!” After this of course I would slam down a bottle of the finest wine (That comes in the medium sized bottle, DM doesn’t stoop to that shit wine in a box like Ghost Dog!) Now the police may pick me up at this point for public intoxication but who in the audience really cares if DM has a rap sheet? A redhead who can not only act but has a body that won’t quit, and I mean I see her looking baddass until she gets around the age of 50. Now I now you’re thinking at this point DrunkenMaster must be pretty hammered since he hasn’t said shit about the movie, but SOMETIMES it’s not about the movie that DM rambles. He gets a thought in his head and he goes with it, he’s kinda like the lower IQ drunk Einstein of his day. His hair is in shambles, doesn’t care about his public appearance and is considered a genius. Other members of the Pit would laugh and openly and mock DM for this thought however being the leading contributor of the pit besides the grand and honorable Buzz, I raise the middle finger and pass gas in their general direction! Those of you in the know should also be aware that when DrunkenMaster passes gas, it is something to be truly feared. It’s worse than Iraqis Weapons of Mass Destruction! I can clear a room in seconds with the Arial leftovers of dropping my kids off at the pool. Needless to say this movie has it’s flaws, but DrunkenMaster does not care as those readers of other reviews will see. DrunkenMaster cares little for most of the Oscar winning Best Movies of the year. Most of them he would rather take a shit on the master reel than watch. In my mind this would be the only way to watch them……..Watch a super 8 reel of me bending over and shitting on them, Amateur filmmakers email the pit with thoughts on this, “Shitting on Moonstruck” has a certain ring to it.

George Clooney is your basic no shit military man unafraid to through the rule book at a misbehaving child if it would shut it up. The rest of the cast is pretty good and the action throughout this flick holds up quite well. Basic plot without giving too much away is terrorists steal a nuke and attempt to blow it up inside America. Needless to say this movie was before 911 and I’m not talking about Shatner dammit! However it treats the subject which most movies afterwards don’t approach which is because Hollywood is so media trained they wouldn’t take a piss outdoors if they were told not to.

DM Note: This morning we had Bedwyr the Guinea Pig pass away and DM is drinking in his honor tonight, here’s to you Mr. Pig!