The Body


Chaos, unearthed.


Randolph Carter


Plot: A man wanting a basement dug in his home in Jerusalem uncovers a hidden tomb containing the 2,000-year-old bones of a crucified carpenter. A short Jesuit priest must work with an A-cup Laura Croft archeologist to solve this most unsettling mystery that brings pissed off Christians, Jews, and Muslims out of the woodwork.

Commentary: Made for television fodder. Antonio Banderas as a Jesuit priest is a stretch in anyone's book and at times is almost too much to bear. It's an interesting premise and Banderas' co-star Olivia Williams does an admirable job, but the heavy handed directing and obviously low budget make this a rather lackluster affair.

More appropriate title: The bones

Cringe-o-meter: (8 out of 10) Several times Banderas is depicted in Christ-like imagery (ouch) - The same exact footage of a cross atop a Christian building in Jerusalem we see four times -- Stone throwing ZZ Top-looking rabbis -- The final disclaimer scene where it is thrown in our face that this is indeed not the body of Christ, but just the body of David.

Recommended for: Antonio Banderas and people who enjoy heavy handed film-making at its finest.