Charlie's Angels



Drunken Master

SCORE: 4 Beers


Now I'm the young pup out of our wily bunch, so I don't remember a whole lot about the seventies/early eighties.  Or for that fact (sans alcohol and drugs) Much of the nineties.  However I remember the Charlie's angels TV series vaguely.....namely a shag rug poster of Farah Fawcett on my brothers wall.  Point stated though, knowledge of the show means about as much as a steaming bowl of microwaved Cottage cheese, that being shit.  Now to the movie, if you dig watching lustful babes (Lucy Liu) running around in a good looking wardrobe and beating the shit out of hapless nitwit Neanderthals left and right....Well then grab a brew, sit in the ol' recliner and kick back baby, cause this movie rocks.  It's got Soul Train, it's got bad ass sports cars, and best of all it's got Crispin Glover who hands down is the ultimate Cult Actor just shy of Bruce Campbell.  One point detracted though, Drew Barrymore may be just able to make the cute list, but as a martial artist she looks about as nimble as Marlon Brando at a gymnastic meet.  However all this being said, if someone gives Tom Green another acting role, I will happily volunteer to be on the grassy knoll when the said person talks his stroll down the red carpet at the premiere of said movie.

Jurassic Mark

SCORE: 3 Stars

The new Charlie's Angels are played by Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu.  After watching the film, I can assure Ms. Diaz, Ms. Barrymore and/or Ms. Liu that if any of you "Angels" ever drop by Dallas, y'all have a congenial host that would like nothing more than to treat you to a night on the town and a few bottles of good red wine (and maybe a snack).  I'm the kind of innocent (gay if you like) friend who can spend the night with any of you wholesome gals in the sack cuddling together and bonding emotionally.  I would like to assure you; I have no sexual agenda. 
Oh, but, I forgot, there's a movie to review.  Charlie's Angels is a slick production from Aaron Spelling (and only seven other producers).  Spelling was responsible for the original TV series.  I suppose I could list the other producers (including Barrymore), but credit should probably go to the man who has worked on over 175 television shows and feature films including all your favorites like:  The Mod Squad (1968 and 1999), Satan's School for Girls (1973 and 2000), S.W.A.T., Starsky and Hutch, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, Vega$ (remember Robert Urich as Dan Tanna?), Hart to Hart (and seven Hart to Hart reunion movies), Dynasty, T.J. Hooker (my personal favorite), Hotel, Dynasty Two: The Colbys, Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place, Models Inc., 7th Heaven, Love Boat: The Next Wave, and Charmed.  These are the hits; I don't have room to list the bombs.  Actually, I feel compelled to list just one:  1962's My Daddy Can Lick Your Daddy (I'm not kidding).
So, I think we can forget Mr. Spelling and concentrate on what makes Charlie's Angels work.  It all comes down to our three actresses.  Diaz, in particular, looks like she had a lot of fun making the picture.  If not, she deserves an Academy Award for pretending like it.  Diaz throws herself into a role that few women would be confident enough to attempt.  Blond-haired Natalie is the kind of gal who jumps out of bed in the morning performing calisthenics by waving her scantily-clad bootie at the camera; she's just happy to be alive (God bless her).  However, she is completely oblivious to the power she has over men.  The somewhat nerdy Natalie has trouble flirting with a man she finds attractive Pete (Luke Wilson).  Needing help, fellow Angel Alex (Liu) advises Natalie to "flip her hair."  She does, and, naturally, Pete is thunderstruck.  This sets up the best line of dialogue in the film:
Pete (asking for a date):  "I'm gonna get tickets."
Natalie:  "I love tickets!" 
Diaz isn't the only asset in the movie.  Our other Angels perform admirably.  Barrymore made me jealous of David Letterman, who got to see those frontal curves up close and personal.  She's a good actress.  Barrymore is funny and natural.  As for Liu, she's the kind of woman who makes freckles sexy.  I'm not sure she bought into the film as much as the other Angels, but her leather-clad dominatrix scene is worthy of accolades.
Charlie's Angels is aimed at that mega-crowd of males aged 14-35.  I barely fall into the curve, but I wouldn't hesitate to buy it on DVD, because Charlie's Angels is a film you can watch anytime you're in a light-hearted mood.