Van Wilder


The Tradition Continues


Randolph Carter


Plot: Loser but likeable college guy who has been in college far too long finds his tuition being revoked by his corporate daddy father and must find ways to raise the money himself.

Commentary: I was expecting nothing from this film and actually got a little change in return.

Two scenes are worth mentioning here. In one we find a bunch of frat daddies indulging themselves in a basket full of éclairs given to them by who they think is their sister sorority. The camera catches these happy young men stuffing big gobs of chocolate covered pastry in their mouths, breaking them open and letting the cream filling (the consistency of liquid ivory soap) drip into their honey-covered mouths and all over their shiny faces. One daddy comments appreciatively on the fact that the cream filling is still warm. Once the deserts are all gone they discover a batch of Polaroids at the bottom of the basket showing the chef of these pastries. A series of pictures show a bulldog getting jacked-off and his copious byproduct being inserted into what appears to be éclair buns. How about that for comedy? Compare with Woody Harrelson’s bull milking scene in “King Pin.”

In another exquisite scene of comedy we find yet another frat daddy unknowingly down a healthy dose of Colon Blow laxative just before taking a medical school exam. In the examination room we first get to hear what appears to be the equivalent of a water cooler belch, as the contents of his stomach prepare for rapid evacuation. This followed by a wide range of rectal noises which culminates in the frat daddy being forced to take a hellacious dump in a trashcan. His audience happens to be a group of several doctors who will be interviewing him later that day. Close ups of frat daddy’s shuttering, sweaty face as he voids his system of Colon Blow add to the effect. Compare with Jeff Daniel’s bathroom antics in “Dumb and Dumber.”

Nothing really new to be seen in “Van Wilder.” Ryan Reynolds does an adequate job in the lead. His Indian assistant (Taj Mahal Badalandabad, played by Kal Penn) is quite humorous, especially when talking with a heavy Indian accent about muff diving and getting some backdoor action. Once again, a film that is overflowing with hot women, casts the very mediocre Tara Read (who given the choice between kissing her and kissing Drunken Master, I’d pick Drunken Master in a heartbeat) in the female lead.

Human defecation & consumption of animal semen scenes are in short supply these days. Take ‘em when you can get ‘em. Worth more than a few laughs.

More appropriate title: Bulldog the Pastry Chef

Drunken Master
SCORE: 3Beers

I read a review of "Old School" that said it was the Animal House of this generation......How far from the truth is that? Shouldn't National Lampoons' be the judge of that....and did they sue? I've been a huge fan of Ryan Reynolds ever since he caught my eye in Two Guys a Girl and a Pizza Place first season. (Traylor Howard is one of the few Blonds I lust after and Suzanne Cryer just screams Do Me Drunkenmaster!)Needless to
say this movie starts off crude and doesn't ever let down. If you want crude bathroom humor and scenes that make the person sitting next to you vomit in the toilet then this movie is for you. We learned the evening that the whole pit crew viewed this Masterpiece that RC hasn't vomited in his memory? Now either I think he's blocked out these memories due to the fact that prior to his vomiting he was smoking monkey pole or he is some higher evolutionary monkey than the rest of us.....Now knowing RC cola I think that it's more of a mental blockade because I have many memorable nights from Camelot where he "Serviced" me and then threw his contents of his stomach into the great stained porcelain throne that the members of the Pit have many  a-timed shit in. Tara Reid is in no means hot, she kinda is that deer in the headlights that looks like it's sat upon a tanning bed while recovering from a hangover because of staying out partying till 8A.M. Granted many a actor has made a career out of this type of schedule......granted most  of them are serving parole time.....but hey....It's a National Lampoons Movie....When's the last time someone watched one?....Animal House anyone?