Movie Pit

Cult of the Insane Corporate Daddy




My mind is awash with controvsary, at first I could feel contempt, or gratitude….but then at the same time I feel hatred at myself for being so callous and unfeeling.  When a person dies by natural causes should we not feel compassion or some feeling of companionship that makes us feel mortal at the same time?  Last Friday I was speaking with a woman at work who to me was in her higher fifties or maybe even early sixties…… normally I feel the need to personally distance myself from any other being due to my intolerance of acceptance of the future.   However she died last Sunday due to a heart attack.  But the past has its greatness as well, relationships in the past held true no matter what the differences were especially when children were in the mix.  Now however divorce is so common place it is out of whack for a man or woman to have at least not have been through it at least once.  Fuck Humanity, we suck as a race, it’s unfortunate that there is not a greater race on our planet that doesn’t drive us back into the trees or even back to the amoebic state to where we would at least achieve a chance at correcting our current sins and misdemeanors.  I know this doesn’t make a lick of sense because I’m hammered, it’s just that when the decent folk die and the shit eating sinners of society walk onward I tend to get a little pissed off.  DNA.  Science.  These two factors have proven that there is a weakness in mankind, one that can be corrected, controlled, and be rid of.  If this means governmental control of human birth then let me be the first enforcer of said force.  Should we be releasing rapists, pedifilists, and what not back into society?   No.  Can I say that with a straight face or conscious…..yes I can.  Put the gun, blade, needle in my hand and we shall be less one negative focus upon humanity.  History and fact have proven that imprisonment alone does not correct most human failures, some it does, but not all.   These are imprint upon the human gene and the only way to rid the planet of them is to wipe all genes encoding of them from this earth and that means constricting of the right to birth.   I am all for it.  How many more serial killers do we need?   We can argue day and night on how society creates them, how the media creates them, how games/music/movies/religion/no religion/right/wrong/this/that creates them, however it really comes back to DNA.   If your father or mother has cancer, is it likely that you will?   If your uncle or grandmother have mental issues, is it likely that you will?   Is a mans will testable of who he'll, or  will become?  Begin the tests now, every kind of test.  Granted that Government in most parts of society needs even less of a grip of control.  But if mankind as a whole is to survive our own kind, then we need control.  Christianity is not the answer, or any other kind of religion.   Belief is not our answer because beliefs are proven untrue.   Even truths are proven untrue by further truths that are proven untrue.  And that is the further progress of science……of fact…..of that which will be proven truth.  Why would your god not tell us of other worlds in the wondermous of all he created unless he could not explain…….because he could not have created….  Preach not your bible, because 2 thousand years ago there were many religions that thrived….you could say only the truth prevailed…..I could just as easily say only the weak minded prevailed.  I ramble and am drunk but I am right.. 


A guy comes in and says his pc isn't working, so I ask what's it doing?  He says it won't even turn on.  So I go over to his cube, and I notice he's got a brand new calculator sitting on the side of his desk as well as an old calculator.  I look under his desk and his cpu is unplugged so I ask why did you unplug this cord?  He says well I needed to test out this calculator to see if I like it better than my old one so I unplugged one that I didn't know what it went to.  I get up and say, well when you're done testing your calculator, try plugging that cord back in and I just bet your pc will start working again, and then I walk off.   Don't you just love village idiots?


Oh fucking God (I'm a Non-theist, so all Christians can go impale themselves......Logic is law)  I want a medium rare steak, served up with a baked potato with a vegetable side of some butter glazed carrots mixed with green beans.   If there is a starving man or woman in any foreign country and you decline to eat this meal in view of your religious beliefs than that is your own god damn fucking fault you pathetic fucking mindless drones of religious society.   If someone gives you it.   Die.....I don't give a fuck, if all of you were fucking dead I wouldn't hear "There's starving children in Africa!"    AND?.........Did I ass fuck some Aids infected Africa trailer trash whore who spreads her legs for all the great hunters of her tribe?  Oh and take Suzanne Strothers and peel the meat off her bones when she dies, she should feed a village for a decade with her plumpous ass.  A fucking Cow is sacred?   I have a turd that is so pristine that I keep it in a vacuumed jar above my bed because I am convinced it is the next messiah.......can this be sacred too?   You have a creature whose soul existence is to eat grass and shit?  Gee I can think of plenty of creatures that mankind does more with than something that stares at you and says, "moo?"  It's called eat mother fuckers and if you're country's IQ reflects it's actual IQ then the cow should be taken off the special list and served up at breakfast.   As a matter of fact if you guys don't mind I wouldn't mind some Child tar seem to have an endless supply of children you can't feed, so why not feed me?


I admit, I am a weakling in a spiteful hateful son of a bitch corporate daddy fuck's corpse. However, without all my bitterness, hatred of all things (Much like Wesley of my many gods) and general dislike of all things liked, what would Drunken Master really be? Would I be some touchy lovey hypocrite like most of the Democrat Party? Or would I be that goofy "Computer Lab" teacher in high school that's more concerned with illegal game copying than actual instruction? Or maybe I could turn into a cocksucker or pedophile that RC really wants to become. So I hide behind a pseudonym. I like playing someone else. It's not like I can scream, "My GOD you are a dumb ass piece of shit that should have been exterminated the second oxygen hit your lungs you pathetic shit eating mother fucking cock sucking fondling Catholic school boy raping ASSMASTER!" to my coworkers.....I mean really, can I show my true feelings to all the knuckle dragging "oldies loving" fucks whose idea of computers is so fucking hallucinogenic that it would cause any sane human being to volunteer for a lobotomy just so they wouldn't have to deal with humans with minds so microscopic that if place 3 feet in front of the Hubble Telescope, we still wouldn't be able to see it? Yet I continue to work there and "teach" Access and Excel classes to the Neanderthals who think a fucking monitor is the whole fucking computer! Now I could say that I know nothing of what these fucks do for a living 40 hours a week, however I've found that I know more about what they do for a living than they do. I know all about type 5, 17, 6, 8 and 14 adjustments.......but why, do I ever do them? Yet how is it I can walk down a cubicle isle and answer 3 questions without thinking to people who've worked here for "8 fucking long years" and it's not anything I fucking do? Can we say "Re-education?" Or even better, how about licenses for giving birth? This is what the world fucking needs....Licenses to have some guy knock a woman up! No more single mothers who are career waitresses. No more psycho morons with a mean streak knocking up the local slut who is more willing to spread her legs as Bill Clinton is to have his snorkel cleared. LICENSE BIRTH! I want IQ tests, I want morality tests, I want parent raising tests, I want spineless jellyfish tests, I want discipline tests. I want tests that will test to see if testing is actual accurate in these types of tests because if we continue in this downward spiral of over breeding then we will breed ourselves out of existence. Oh and you asshole bitch Sandy whose trying to sell your house in of these nights I'm going to get shitfaced and take a running steaming shit on the hood of your Lexus you cock sucking fucking fucked in the head bitch! I'm tired of your lame ass cutting me off on Virginia "Fitting that Vagina can be spelled from that" you fucking ass fucked bitch. NOT only do I know where you live, but I know your first name, car type license plate and how much you "want" to sell your house. Let me finish off this drunken rant with "FUCK!".


     GOD HATES ANTI-THEISTS, my office workplace is 100% proof positive of this. (I'm not talking alcohol)  Actually, the more I think of it Christians hate Anti-theists/Atheists as well.....But I think it's because we're not afraid of making decisions on our own.  (Drunken note to Editor:  Maybe a link to would be a good idea here.)  

     As most of our great country is ramping up to what would be a fairly disappointing retail holiday season, our office of course is doing the "Decorating" thing.  FUCK THIS SHIT.  We are in an office, being paid to do a job.  MAKE OUR COMPANY MORE MONEY!  Not to fucking put cheap ass decorations over everything.  I HATE WALKING AROUND WITH GLITTER ON MY ASS GOD DAMMIT!  Being the "pooter" dork where I work I get to crawl around in the dank like surroundings of the shit floor of everyday people like yourselves to fuck around with your computer.  

     You know those chips/peanuts/cookies/sandwich/everything fucking thing else you fat fucks consume at your desks when you really shouldn't be.......I get to crawl around in your fucking crumbs you dumb asses. Mmmmmm cheetoes, Doritos, some crusty mold covered something or other. YEAH THAT SHITS GREAT! If I was to use my hands I could probably scrape up a good bowl and a half of FUCKING SHIT YOU ASSHOLES!  I personally don't like crawling around ANKLE DEEP IN FAT FUCK SHIT THAT YOU DIDN'T INHALE!  So when your supervisor tells you to eat that on your break in the cafeteria, DON'T INHALE THE MOMENT THEY WALK AWAY. Can I vomit in your lap, eat a bunch of spicy hotwings and then stand on your desk while your "working" and give you an ass whipping by giving you the "Brown Shower" of my fiery ass shits that shoot out 99% liquid?  Then don't fucking eat at your desk you fat fucks, I think you'll survive a couple of hours till break/lunch/break until you feed again.  

     Oh getting back to the decorating shit before I ramble off on some other related topic.  I politely told a woman who was going to attempt at "Christmas...izing" our part of the office, to basically fuck off.  She of course went off on some crusade and went up the corporate food chain to our supervisors manager.......Who of course came back to us and asked us why I politely told her to fuck off.  This is where Christians fear Anti-theists.  When I explain that I don't celebrate a holiday that is not celebrated on the same day for historical/scientific/religious reasons, and say I'd be happy to come into work on a day that most of America is off for to work.........I get looked at like I'm a fucking escapee from an insane asylum.  Ok, December 25th is a's August 8th,  March 3rd.....go on and so on so forth.  WHAT'S THE BIG FUCKING DEAL, if you believe in this such of stuff, More power to you, if you feel the need to put your faith in something that may or not exist to help you make your daily decisions, and if you feel the need to give 10% of what you work for to provide for your family to an organization that's only goal is the worship of said thing that may or may not exist.....YOU ROCK! Personally I feel strong enough in my decision making skills, and feel enough self worth that I don't feel the need to worship some figment of what may or may not be indeed true.  I think I am fully capable of making decisions that will positively or negatively affect me and those around me.  So the next time you go knocking on peoples door to hand out religious literature, FUCK OFF!  If I want it, I'll come to you for it.  I know your a Christian when you put it on your car via the fucking plastic fish, bumper stickers, etc.


Corporate Rant:
Numbero Uno

I sit in a fucking room, where the gutts and hearts of our office lay, and yet here we are at room temperature. It's like eighty fucking four or higher in here, Ok, let's say it's fucking warm in our office, a place where we have in the last two and a half months fried two drives in an array. (You have five brothers, two FUCKING DIE) way before their time, way before they should.) Anyways, what is Managements solution to our problem? Take a tile out of our roof and let the cold air floweth forth into our room since Mr Winter is in our neighborhood. Um, well, um.....Ok, COLD AIR DIP SHIT? We switched the air vents in our room to off, taken the roof tiles off, and with the servers in our room.......Want another crispy critter hard drive? We got it mother fucker, mister muther fucker son dodda bitch! Ok, so most companies want to spend about as much money as a realistic K-Mart Blue Light Special. The WAY before Walmart blue light special. You know, I'm getting very close to not caring drunk....really. I mean my vision is starting to fucking blur while I type type not giving a fuck. OK I live in fucking Dallas, yet I must whip my cock out to measure it to the foul mouthed braggarts around me. My Jimmy is just as big as yours you Yankee driving mother fucker, I don't give a crows ass just how important your call is or how important it is that you arrive at work as soon as possible you misanthrope hunchbacked shovel fisted mother fucker. YOU SUCK ASS, How often do the fuck do you fuck some fuck you fuck and fuck. How fuck and fuck do you fuck mister fuck and fuck shit fuck. FUCK GOD DAMN FUCK fuck......fuck.......FUCK! god damn shit FUCK!!!!Look FUck head, you fucking fuck shit fuck cut me off again fuck mother fucker and I'll fuck your ass till your fucked in the fucked sense of the fucked word mother Yankee mother fucker fuck fuck...Seriously though....I'm drunk....and well......FUCK!

THE NEXT MOTHER FUCKING TIME THAT MANAGEMENT Wants me to teach a fucking beginners class for 'ANYTHING'....OH, we Got's words to share! NO LONGER WILL I FUCKING TRY TO SPREAD MY INTELLIGENCE TO OTHERS WHEN THEY HAND ME THE MR. RODGERS REJECTS! Oh fuck, I mean oh FUCK! This is truly the twenty first century.....STAR TREK ERA HERE! A MOUSE HAS MORE THAN ONE FUCKING BUTTON SHITTHEADS!!!!!!! OH FUCKING GOD! When I say "Right mouse button." What do the rest of you think? OH FUCKING CHRIST ...... I'M AN ATHIEST........... Fear is the mind killer......the little death. You know, My parents urged my to to into the computer studies program TAKE APPLE and beyond!......I rebelled, I studied Drawing and Abstract painted which is still where my heart resides.......BUT WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!OH MY FUCKING GOD! THIS IS ........ THE...... TWENTYFIRST..... FUCKING..... CENTURY...... OH MY FUCKING GOD! Ok,,,,,,,,, so I'm going to try to hold back..... patience..... patience..... patience...... No, fuck it all. I don't care how old you are, what your backgrough is. or any of that shit....NUKE EM HIGH! We are in the beginning stages of the twentyfirst ...oh up fat bitch, we's in your hell now.


How many feet per second does the average person walk? Now this does depend heavily on height of such person as well as leg length and typical pace length.......But I swear to fucking god, I am tired of fucking hell of cackling women who I swear have absolutely no awareness of anything around them outside of what's coming out of their mouth, and what they allow into their ears. It seems almost like a fucking royal procession sometimes, walking behind these Royals, at about 1/3 my normal speed. Now I know the work habits of most folk, are what should I say, suck ass. But if you do indeed are at this level, please don't hold back the rest of us, some of us actually might want to achieve something. Like making it point A to point B without aging 5 years and gaining 10 pounds. However, there should be a few exceptions to the rule. This being 2 starting with this: 

The Penguin:
If you've seen the picture of the woman on Movie Pit, who consumes her own weight in Cole Slaw each day, she's number 1. She has been nicknamed the Penguin do to the fact that she is so god awful fat, that she cannot take normal human footsteps.....thus a waddling effect. Her walking speed can be outpaced by a quadriplegic steering an electric wheelchair with their tongue.

Goat-mans Wife:
If you know the legend of Goat-man, then you would think that this person would be lickity-split. However, the reason Goat-man steals children is because he's so god damn hungry that he has to eat something because his fat ass wife can't even stand on her own two cloven feet without keeling over due to her immenseness. There are times I have seen her highness have to turn sideways to make it through a doorway due to her girthness. If scientists measured her density and size, I swear we'd have another moon that orbits our planet at about 2 feet 3 inches. Her name also has to do with the fact of how she styles her hair, with seemingly horns coming out of the top of her head.

Note to the slow moving, Get out of the way!!!!!! Or there'll be a gravy spilling coming on.


Have any of the great readers of Movie Pit ever wandered into a fast food place, and witnessed the grandeur of fat people. At our workplace, we have the standard bench and table fast food eatery facilities that more than likely any other has. I was sitting there eating my curds and ways when a big ole fat ole spider, sat next beside me and I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, she had to wedge herself into the seat. I mean a fucking shoehorn would've been a helpful aide for this behemoth. Some of you out there, may know of what I speak when I describe a woman so fat, so utterly fat, so utterly fucking fat that fat doesn't properly describe her fatness in any way shape or form.......You could not tell where her breasts ended and the rest of her girth began.....well it really began at her neck and just kind of cascaded downwards till it hit the ground. I hear all these sad stories of fat fucks who have to be buried in fuckin piano boxes.....Ever hear of a diet, exercise, visit a doctor to tell you to diet and exercise, see an exorcist to rid you of your fat demon, taken the time of day to look in a mirror and say, "I'm a fat disgusting fuck, and maybe I should do something about it," before you stick that twinkie in your mouth. My god, at some point in your fat life, have you realized your fat and denied yourself that third helping of lard? WHEN THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU HAS TO PHYSICALLY PUSH YOU OUT OF YOUR CHAIR AFTER LUNCH, YOU'VE EATEN TOO MUCH. FOR THE LAST DECADE YOU'VE EATEN TOO MUCH..........fatty


There's this dude at work, barely clinging onto his job. Story starts, one day I had to journey to the men's shitpipe six times before I caught a break in the system. You see, we have about a hundred and eighty people at work.....about 40-50 percent are male......we have one Shit pipe and one pisser. Thus if you have to crap, you have to find your time. Anyways, atop this crap I have thus learned that one such male....Maggot Ass shall I name him.......spends a good hour to 2 hours a day atop the crapper. This, in a period of which he spends eight hours getting paid. Now I sat outside the men's crapper in a comfy chair chatting with whomever passed by, for a good forty minutes today, (FORTY FUCKING MINUTES....I COULD HAVE GIVEN BIRTH SOONER THAN THIS) Only to watch Sir dumb ass, walk his ass out of the crapper. So I took my shit....about 3 minutes and 23 seconds........I have heard of today, that this ass----hole....will sit there on the crapper, for who knows how long, then stand up, turn around, break a piss, then turn around and sit back down for a shit. (Did you hear this right.....YES) Now in the corporate daddy world that I am immersed in, I see a lot of fucked up shit.....However when I have to make 5-8 stops by the crapper in order to catch a break in such a dickheads method to drop a turd.....I SAY SHITCAN HIS ASS.

Rant part Deux

When you have a building with aroun 180 people in it, and about 45% of these are males.....Does it make sense to have !one! men's room with 1 stand up urinal and 1 crapper. This little epilogue may explain my disdain. After a night of serious wine imbibing and Cheese ball ingesting, I stumble into work as usual. Nearly a hour passes and the goodies start to shift, therefore I head towards the male facilities, I walk into the bathroom, and both the stand and stall are occupied, so I waltz across the hall into the telecom room and plant my ass down on a retired server. Twenty minutes later and I still have not seen someone come out of the men's room that I haven't seen go in since I've been sitting there. So I go in to take a piece and rough it for a bit till I get a chance to happen by again.....As soon I as unzip to release the valve......The Cockwhore in the stall (Which I've been waiting on now for about a half hour) stands up, turns around and takes a piss standing up. (The sound a man's urine makes standing up and sitting down make a world of difference) Pissed off, I head back to the cube. Later that day I learn from this prick's supervisor that he does this same clown shit day in and day out, a couple times a day even. Needless to say I found a break in the tide and released my payload later that day. But the next very fucking day I sit outside again for twenty or so minutes again with none new exiting that hasn't entered since I've been there. Now I didn't need to take a shit or anything, but I thought I'd let Mr. Cockwhore know someone's not only watching but getting pissed. So I wander in there and say in a loud voice, "Look it's been twenty minutes, if whatever is in there hasn't come out yet, it isn't coming out. So wipe your ass and let the next guy in. I stood there about 15 seconds or so, and what does the fuck do....he stands up, turns around and takes a piss. I am going to make it my PERSONAL VENDETTA that this guy gets shitcanned and sent packing home to momma. We Network Administrator's have a knack for getting fucks like this fired, and I plan to add this shaite to the list.

These lovely ladies typically eat their own weight in cold slaw daily.


(Walk in the fucking door) (Immediately beseeched by idiot #1)
"I can't log into partial program" (It's 8:30, she's been there since 6:30 and hasn't asked the other tech why she's stupid) I walk over hit control escape, "p", "n", "push the right key", "hit enter"....I say, "re-login"..."She says, "What". (In my mind I draw my bloodied bastard sword and behead the fucking bitch.) "What do you normally enter here when you first power up your station?"...."What?"......"When you step foot in the building, push this button (Point at the power button) wait a couple of minutes and this screen comes up, what do you do?"....."Huh"...."How many years have you worked here( I look at here name sez 11 years) and you don't know what you put here?"....."Well"........"I think I do this"....(she types something, hits enter and gets the "REJECTION" notification. I say, "Well that's not it, what else would you put in make a short story short I had to reset her fucking password. You see fat cells distort the short term memory and force one fat person to not remember their passwords from the day before. Needless to say this is a day where about fifteen of these application waiting village idiots approach me wanting my help. Half hour after I've been there and I'm already thinking of my flask on my shelf. Token ring card (Yes I said token ring card) in one of the network printers fries, and I get to re set up a queue. Joy. Corp programmers send an update, only to be a piece........restore, wait for update, restore, wait for update....restore, do we see a pattern. I'm thinking I could take a fucking course on programming and do this shit myself before this hapless halfwits get the shite right. Needless to say, after 3 hours of waiting I get to go home after a 15 hour day. SKY Vodka I praise you, I only had 23 minutes till the store closed till I bought you and you are the best whore I have ever purchased. You put out without complaining, and I know tomorrow can't be any worse than today. ****Note to FAT FUCKS EVERYWHERE-imagine what you eat each day, halve that......This is a diet, next, take that fucking space heater prescribed by you doctor and go to the dumpster and toss it. Next fucking break, instead of camping down with a snickers, walk around the fucking building. THERE IS A FUCKING REASON WHY YOU HAVE BAD CIRCULATION, it's not because of hereditary reasons. You see that couch in your living room, you see that dent in it from where you camp out every night. That's called lazy, that's right lazy. Moving from your lazy ass seat at work to the printer twice daily is not exercise, it's called FAT! Eat less, exercise more, trying not inhaling an entire fried chickens worth of fat every day...I promise it will help. If this doesn't help, divide what you normally intake in a day, divide it by four, and STOP EATING......PUT THE COOKIE DOWN. YOU ARE CLASSIFIED AS A FAT PIG. PIG.....YES, DO YOU WANT TO STRAP THE TROUGH TO YOUR CHIN FAT BOY? (This was one of my less stressful days)